Who Is She?
Take a wild guess.
If you said, “Squirrel Girl,” you’re right. If you said “Doreen Green,” you looked her up on Wikipedia. That’s cheating. Our favorite furry Squirrel Girl is an antromorphic human mutant who’s impressive superhero resume includes serving with the Great Lakes Avengers, joining the New Avengers, and acting as the nanny for the child of more worthwhile superheroes. Her creator Will Murray designed her after an ex-girlfriend of his who shared both Squirrel Girl’s carefree personality and her love of the fuzzy critters. His intention in creating Squirrel Girl was to return to the campy and light-heartened origin of comic books, which is comic book writer speak for, “Let’s see how much bullshit we can pack into one heroine.” With a premise as ridiculous as Squirrel Girl’s, it’s no surprise that she’s doomed to a lifetime of babysitting a brat with superpowers and being the target of crude jokes (most of which are ours.)
Powers and Abilities
Basically, she’s a squirrel, but not. She has a tail, claws, and buck teeth; you can interpret those as superpowers however you so please. Like Aquaman, she can communicate with squirrels. Not telepathically, of course; she speak squirrel. That’s right. Squirrel is totally a language now. On the less lame side, Squirrel Girl is the proud owner of heightened agility, strength, and vision. And did we mention that her lips taste like hazelnuts?
Why She’s Lame:
Let’s think of all the reasons why it’s lame to have powers associated with being an anthropomorphic squirrel. Let’s give up now. There are literally too many things that make Squirrel Girl lame. Is it the pouches in her utility belt which she oh-so-humorously call her nut sacks? Is it the fact that she fights the forces of darkness by getting hundreds of squirrels to attack them? Maybe it’s her pet squirrel Monkey Joe? Or the second one, Tippy Toe? Is it that she’s now reduced to the nanny for the daughter of Power Man and Power Woman? We think it’s that one.
The point is, Squirrel Girl is just really, really lame. And we love that.
She’s a furry with superpowers. Do we really need to elaborate on this one?