So yeah, we know we’re douchebags who haven’t updated since the dark ages, but things happened. From now on, we vow to post at least once every other week. Hopefully every week. Feel free to badger our inbox if we neglect you, and you’re always welcome to submit your favorite lame superhero. That being said, here is, as promised, a lame superhero from the Marvel Universe.
Who is He?:
El Guapo, which roughly translates to “The Handsome One” (would you look at that face.), was a member of X-Statix, or as we like to call it, the X-Men’s unwanted bastard child. Despite being a human mutant, he still opts to dress like a cross between a blind scuba diver and a suburban white boy trying too hard to be “gangtsa.” Technically, his real name is Robbie (Robert) Rodriguez.
Powers and Abilities:
His skateboard is the one with the superpowers. His “powers” come from his symbiotic relationship with a quasi-animate skateboard. We’re not making this up.
Why He’s Lame:
Did you not just read what we wrote? He has a symbiotic relationship with a skateboard. And apparently, its abusive. Yes, when he spends too much time away from his skateboard, he goes into withdrawals. You know who else goes into withdrawals? Drug addicts. That’s right, kids. El Guapo is essentially no cooler than your friendly neighborhood stoner. He certainly looks like him.
Oh, and did we mention how he dies? His magical flying skateboard goes out of control. He crashed. The board goes through his heart. But rest assured, my dears. He’s seen flying his
magic carpet skateboard in Heaven.
Being able to fly on a skateboard doesn’t make you super. It makes you like a million other douchebags.
Next Up: A Not-So-Super heroine.