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Fuck Yeah Lame Superheroes

Dedicated to providing you with your daily dose of useless, eccentric, poorly-costumed, or otherwise lame superheroes. Because it's fun to belittle the supernatural.
This blog is maintained (kind of) by Lizette and Malina. We like lame superheroes.
Apr 16 '12

Reasons why Batman is totally gay:

bloodandgutsinhighschool:

And I don’t mean gay in the derogatory sense, I mean gay in the “I like men. Sexually.” way.

  1. Kathy Kane (Batwoman) was created to be a love interest of his. Rebooted Kate Kane is a lesbian.
  2. There have been five Robins. Four are male, Stephanie had ovaries. He didn’t pick Stephanie on his own, and he fired her almost immediately.
  3. Dick Grayson originally wore scaly. Green. Panties.
  4. All the women DC writers ever pair him with are ludicrously unavailable.
  5. Frederic Wertham wrote an entire book about how gay Batman is (it’s a stupid book. But still.)
  6. George Clooney claims his Batman was gay.
  7. He did have rubber nipples.
  8. Superman.   

In conclusion, 

Apr 14 '12
littleleaguecomic:

Little League #2 by Yale Stewart
Batman and Superman are © DC Comics.

Batman’s costume is “lame,” apparently. And so is Supes’.

littleleaguecomic:

Little League #2 by Yale Stewart

Batman and Superman are © DC Comics.

Batman’s costume is “lame,” apparently. And so is Supes’.

Apr 11 '12
dccomicconfessions:

“It’s ridiculous that Batman has THREE titles for the DCnU (Batman, TDK, Detective Comics) with so many other amazing characters being benched.”

Batman is actually pretty lame. Brick back Cass. Or Steph. Or Wally. 

Sorry about the recent non-posts. We will have a new lame superhero (or villain wink wink) up tomorrow pinky swear.

dccomicconfessions:

“It’s ridiculous that Batman has THREE titles for the DCnU (Batman, TDK, Detective Comics) with so many other amazing characters being benched.”

Batman is actually pretty lame. Brick back Cass. Or Steph. Or Wally. 

Sorry about the recent non-posts. We will have a new lame superhero (or villain wink wink) up tomorrow pinky swear.

Apr 11 '12
Mar 5 '12
dccomicconfessions:

“With the reboot, people keep talking about how they miss characters like Cass, or Steph, or Wally. You know who I miss the most? Superman.”

No fuck you bring back Cass.

dccomicconfessions:

“With the reboot, people keep talking about how they miss characters like Cass, or Steph, or Wally. You know who I miss the most? Superman.”

No fuck you bring back Cass.

Dec 9 '11
Dec 9 '11
deantrippe:

RIP Jerry Robinson (1922-2011)
Thanks for the laughs (and the nightmares).

Truly a tremendous loss. 

deantrippe:

RIP Jerry Robinson (1922-2011)

Thanks for the laughs (and the nightmares).

Truly a tremendous loss. 

436 notes (via deantrippe) Tags: RIP
Nov 30 '11

tumblingus-deactivated20120407 asked:

Just felt the need to say: Squirrel Girl has beaten Doctor Doom. Twice. Canonically, the real, not-a-doom-bot Doctor Doom. At one point she misses her boyfriend Speedball (If you want a hero to make fun of, make fun of his Penance phase) so she travels to Latveria and knocks on Doom's door so she can use his time machine. He's too scared to stop her. Squirrel Girl is good.

Fuck Yeah Lame Superheroes showcases a wide variety of lame. There are some, like Arm Fall Off Boy, that are completely useless. And others that admittedly have some superhero potential. Personally, we think Squirrel Girl was doomed in concept alone. You’re more than welcome to think otherwise. And go ahead and submit the superheroes you feel are truly the epitome of lameness.

Nov 30 '11
Afrodisiac. He’s already rock hard.

Afrodisiac. He’s already rock hard.

(Source: say10.com)

Nov 22 '11

Who is He?

This is the infamous Bouncing Boy. He is a boy, and he bounces. And he is not naturally that bulbous.Actually, I lie. He’s still pretty damn fat. He belongs to the Legion of lameSuperheroes. On earth, he is known as Chuck Taine. 

Powers and Abilities:

He can inflate into a giant ball and is impervious to electrical attacks. Yeah, that’s about it. Pretty useless unless you’re going to battle Pikachu or something. 

Why He’s Lame:

Well, if his superpowers weren’t enough to convince you, he’s still pretty lame outside of it. He got his powers from drinking soda pop that turned out to be some super secret formula to become rubber-like. ALL HE DOES IS TURN INTO RUBBER, it is completely useless. Plus, his costume reminds me of Aquaman’s costume. So, there’s that. 

Verdict:

This hero is beyond lame. All he does is bounce. He’d probably be more useful as the Incredible Hulk’s condom. After all, he is rubber. 

Nov 19 '11
ourvaluedcustomers:

Regarding the new HAWKMAN series…

You know it’s true. 

ourvaluedcustomers:

Regarding the new HAWKMAN series…

You know it’s true. 

Nov 11 '11
Who Is She?
Take a wild guess.
If you said, “Squirrel Girl,” you’re right. If you said “Doreen Green,” you looked her up on Wikipedia. That’s cheating. Our favorite furry Squirrel Girl is an antromorphic human mutant who’s impressive superhero resume includes serving with the Great Lakes Avengers, joining the New Avengers, and acting as the nanny for the child of more worthwhile superheroes. Her creator Will Murray designed her after an ex-girlfriend of his who shared both Squirrel Girl’s carefree personality and her love of the fuzzy critters. His intention in creating Squirrel Girl was to return to the campy and light-heartened origin of comic books, which is comic book writer speak for, “Let’s see how much bullshit we can pack into one heroine.” With a premise as ridiculous as Squirrel Girl’s, it’s no surprise that she’s doomed to a lifetime of babysitting a brat with superpowers and being the target of crude jokes (most of which are ours.)
Powers and Abilities
Basically, she’s a squirrel, but not. She has a tail, claws, and buck teeth; you can interpret those as superpowers however you so please. Like Aquaman, she can communicate with squirrels. Not telepathically, of course; she speak squirrel. That’s right. Squirrel is totally a language now. On the less lame side, Squirrel Girl is the proud owner of heightened agility, strength, and vision. And did we mention that her lips taste like hazelnuts? 
Why She’s Lame:
Let’s think of all the reasons why it’s lame to have powers associated with being an anthropomorphic squirrel. Let’s give up now. There are literally too many things that make Squirrel Girl lame. Is it the pouches in her utility belt which she oh-so-humorously call her nut sacks? Is it the fact that she fights the forces of darkness by getting hundreds of squirrels to attack them? Maybe it’s her pet squirrel Monkey Joe? Or the second one, Tippy Toe? Is it that she’s now reduced to the nanny for the daughter of Power Man and Power Woman? We think it’s that one.
The point is, Squirrel Girl is just really, really lame. And we love that.
The Verdict:
She’s a furry with superpowers. Do we really need to elaborate on this one?

Who Is She?

Take a wild guess.

If you said, “Squirrel Girl,” you’re right. If you said “Doreen Green,” you looked her up on Wikipedia. That’s cheating. Our favorite furry Squirrel Girl is an antromorphic human mutant who’s impressive superhero resume includes serving with the Great Lakes Avengers, joining the New Avengers, and acting as the nanny for the child of more worthwhile superheroes. Her creator Will Murray designed her after an ex-girlfriend of his who shared both Squirrel Girl’s carefree personality and her love of the fuzzy critters. His intention in creating Squirrel Girl was to return to the campy and light-heartened origin of comic books, which is comic book writer speak for, “Let’s see how much bullshit we can pack into one heroine.” With a premise as ridiculous as Squirrel Girl’s, it’s no surprise that she’s doomed to a lifetime of babysitting a brat with superpowers and being the target of crude jokes (most of which are ours.)

Powers and Abilities

Basically, she’s a squirrel, but not. She has a tail, claws, and buck teeth; you can interpret those as superpowers however you so please. Like Aquaman, she can communicate with squirrels. Not telepathically, of course; she speak squirrel. That’s right. Squirrel is totally a language now. On the less lame side, Squirrel Girl is the proud owner of heightened agility, strength, and vision. And did we mention that her lips taste like hazelnuts? 

Why She’s Lame:

Let’s think of all the reasons why it’s lame to have powers associated with being an anthropomorphic squirrel. Let’s give up now. There are literally too many things that make Squirrel Girl lame. Is it the pouches in her utility belt which she oh-so-humorously call her nut sacks? Is it the fact that she fights the forces of darkness by getting hundreds of squirrels to attack them? Maybe it’s her pet squirrel Monkey Joe? Or the second one, Tippy Toe? Is it that she’s now reduced to the nanny for the daughter of Power Man and Power Woman? We think it’s that one.

The point is, Squirrel Girl is just really, really lame. And we love that.

The Verdict:

She’s a furry with superpowers. Do we really need to elaborate on this one?

Nov 10 '11

Eat your heart out, boys ;)

Who Is She?

Zsazsa Zaturnnah.Flamboyant homosexual man (Ada) by day, voluptuous sex bomb (ZsaZsa) by night. Created by Filipino graphic artist Carlo Vergara back in 2002 as an homage to another beloved heroine, this superheroine garnered a cult following. She dresses like a red haired Sofia Vergara in a Princess Leia slave costume; if that’s not a fanboy’s wet dream, I truly don’t know what else is. But then again, she is a male beautician, so that stomps the geek boner. 

Powers and Abilities

She is super hot and sexy, obviously she doesn’t need powers. I kid, I kid. She has super strength, amazing agility, and is essentially invincible. Did I mention she’s attractive?

Why She’s Lame:

Well, I don’t know about you, but to get the Zsazsa’s power, you need to swallow a melon-sized stone. Yes, swallow a stone. A gay stylist swallowing a melon-sized stone and yelling ZATURNAH. Is it me, or is there something completely wrong? 

Then, there’s the fact that the comic was adapted to both film and musical theatre. This would be like giving Bouncing Boy his own movie! Oh, the movie’s key role was played by Filipina pop princess Zsazsa Padilla. Really. Here’s the trailer. 

The Verdict:

Now, I’m not saying that the superheroine is lame; she reminds me of Wonder Woman. What I find lame is the whole premises of it all. Why does she need to swallow a pink melon-sized stone to get super powers? She has such great super powers, but I can’t get past the ridiculousness of it all. 

But I think the lamest part of it all, is the movie. Honestly, just watch the trailer to fully understand the lameness in it’s entirety. 

If you’re a gay beautician who finds a mystic stone which enables you to transform into a voluptuous amazon woman, make sure your story isn’t made into a movie musical. 


Sep 30 '11
So yeah, we know we’re douchebags who haven’t updated since the dark ages, but things happened. From now on, we vow to post at least once every other week. Hopefully every week. Feel free to badger our inbox if we neglect you, and you’re always welcome to submit your favorite lame superhero. That being said, here is, as promised, a lame superhero from the Marvel Universe. 
 
Who is He?:
El Guapo, which roughly translates to “The Handsome One” (would you look at that face.), was a member of X-Statix, or as we like to call it, the X-Men’s unwanted bastard child. Despite being a human mutant, he still opts to dress like a cross between a blind scuba diver and a suburban white boy trying too hard to be “gangtsa.” Technically, his real name is Robbie (Robert) Rodriguez.
Powers and Abilities:
His skateboard is the one with the superpowers. His “powers” come from his symbiotic relationship with a quasi-animate skateboard. We’re not making this up.
Why He’s Lame:
Did you not just read what we wrote? He has a symbiotic relationship with a skateboard. And apparently, its abusive. Yes, when he spends too much time away from his skateboard, he goes into withdrawals. You know who else goes into withdrawals? Drug addicts. That’s right, kids. El Guapo is essentially no cooler than your friendly neighborhood stoner. He certainly looks like him. 
Oh, and did we mention how he dies? His magical flying skateboard goes out of control. He crashed. The board goes through his heart. But rest assured, my dears. He’s seen flying his magic carpet skateboard in Heaven.
The Verdict:
Being able to fly on a skateboard doesn’t make you super. It makes you like a million other douchebags.

Next Up: A Not-So-Super heroine.

So yeah, we know we’re douchebags who haven’t updated since the dark ages, but things happened. From now on, we vow to post at least once every other week. Hopefully every week. Feel free to badger our inbox if we neglect you, and you’re always welcome to submit your favorite lame superhero. That being said, here is, as promised, a lame superhero from the Marvel Universe. 

Who is He?:

El Guapo, which roughly translates to “The Handsome One” (would you look at that face.), was a member of X-Statix, or as we like to call it, the X-Men’s unwanted bastard child. Despite being a human mutant, he still opts to dress like a cross between a blind scuba diver and a suburban white boy trying too hard to be “gangtsa.” Technically, his real name is Robbie (Robert) Rodriguez.

Powers and Abilities:

His skateboard is the one with the superpowers. His “powers” come from his symbiotic relationship with a quasi-animate skateboard. We’re not making this up.

Why He’s Lame:

Did you not just read what we wrote? He has a symbiotic relationship with a skateboard. And apparently, its abusive. Yes, when he spends too much time away from his skateboard, he goes into withdrawals. You know who else goes into withdrawals? Drug addicts. That’s right, kids. El Guapo is essentially no cooler than your friendly neighborhood stoner. He certainly looks like him. 

Oh, and did we mention how he dies? His magical flying skateboard goes out of control. He crashed. The board goes through his heart. But rest assured, my dears. He’s seen flying his magic carpet skateboard in Heaven.

The Verdict:

Being able to fly on a skateboard doesn’t make you super. It makes you like a million other douchebags.

Next Up: A Not-So-Super heroine.

Jul 11 '11
Who is She?:
Night Girl, or Lydda Jath, was a member of the Legion of Substitute Heroes (which is possibly the lamest superhero group ever. Seriously, they made the Avengers look cool.), and later, a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes (which is still lame.) Created by Edmond Hamilton and John Forte, she is native to the planet Kathoon, a planet enshrouded in perpetual darkness.
Powers and Abilities:
Night Girl is extensively trained in hand-to-hard combat, and super strength and durability similar to that of Superboy.
Why She’s Lame:
Admittedly, super strength is a pretty useful superpower, but not if you’re Night Girl. Night Girl’s powers only work if  she’s in darkness or deep shadow. Which makes having super strength kind of lame. Apparently, the Legion of Super-Heroes thought so too, because, like our friend Arm Fall Off Boy, she was rejected when she first tried out. 
The Verdict:
With superheroes that have readily accessible super strength, Night Girl is, in true lame superhero style, useless.
Next up is a lame superhero from the Marvel Universe, we promise.

Who is She?:

Night Girl, or Lydda Jath, was a member of the Legion of Substitute Heroes (which is possibly the lamest superhero group ever. Seriously, they made the Avengers look cool.), and later, a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes (which is still lame.) Created by Edmond Hamilton and John Forte, she is native to the planet Kathoon, a planet enshrouded in perpetual darkness.

Powers and Abilities:

Night Girl is extensively trained in hand-to-hard combat, and super strength and durability similar to that of Superboy.

Why She’s Lame:

Admittedly, super strength is a pretty useful superpower, but not if you’re Night Girl. Night Girl’s powers only work if she’s in darkness or deep shadow. Which makes having super strength kind of lame. Apparently, the Legion of Super-Heroes thought so too, because, like our friend Arm Fall Off Boy, she was rejected when she first tried out.

The Verdict:

With superheroes that have readily accessible super strength, Night Girl is, in true lame superhero style, useless.

Next up is a lame superhero from the Marvel Universe, we promise.