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And I don’t mean gay in the derogatory sense, I mean gay in the “I like men. Sexually.” way.
- Kathy Kane (Batwoman) was created to be a love interest of his. Rebooted Kate Kane is a lesbian.
- There have been five Robins. Four are male, Stephanie had ovaries. He didn’t pick Stephanie on his own, and he fired her almost immediately.
- Dick Grayson originally wore scaly. Green. Panties.
- All the women DC writers ever pair him with are ludicrously unavailable.
- Frederic Wertham wrote an entire book about how gay Batman is (it’s a stupid book. But still.)
- George Clooney claims his Batman was gay.
- He did have rubber nipples.
Just felt the need to say: Squirrel Girl has beaten Doctor Doom. Twice. Canonically, the real, not-a-doom-bot Doctor Doom. At one point she misses her boyfriend Speedball (If you want a hero to make fun of, make fun of his Penance phase) so she travels to Latveria and knocks on Doom's door so she can use his time machine. He's too scared to stop her. Squirrel Girl is good.
Fuck Yeah Lame Superheroes showcases a wide variety of lame. There are some, like Arm Fall Off Boy, that are completely useless. And others that admittedly have some superhero potential. Personally, we think Squirrel Girl was doomed in concept alone. You’re more than welcome to think otherwise. And go ahead and submit the superheroes you feel are truly the epitome of lameness.
Who is He?
This is the infamous Bouncing Boy. He is a boy, and he bounces. And he is not naturally that bulbous.Actually, I lie. He’s still pretty damn fat. He belongs to the Legion of
lameSuperheroes. On earth, he is known as Chuck Taine.
Powers and Abilities:
He can inflate into a giant ball and is impervious to electrical attacks. Yeah, that’s about it. Pretty useless unless you’re going to battle Pikachu or something.
Why He’s Lame:
Well, if his superpowers weren’t enough to convince you, he’s still pretty lame outside of it. He got his powers from drinking soda pop that turned out to be some super secret formula to become rubber-like. ALL HE DOES IS TURN INTO RUBBER, it is completely useless. Plus, his costume reminds me of Aquaman’s costume. So, there’s that.
This hero is beyond lame. All he does is bounce. He’d probably be more useful as the Incredible Hulk’s condom. After all, he is rubber.
Eat your heart out, boys ;)
Who Is She?
Zsazsa Zaturnnah.Flamboyant homosexual man (Ada) by day, voluptuous sex bomb (ZsaZsa) by night. Created by Filipino graphic artist Carlo Vergara back in 2002 as an homage to another beloved heroine, this superheroine garnered a cult following. She dresses like a red haired Sofia Vergara in a Princess Leia slave costume; if that’s not a fanboy’s wet dream, I truly don’t know what else is. But then again, she is a male beautician, so that stomps the geek boner.
Powers and Abilities
She is super hot and sexy, obviously she doesn’t need powers. I kid, I kid. She has super strength, amazing agility, and is essentially invincible. Did I mention she’s attractive?
Why She’s Lame:
Well, I don’t know about you, but to get the Zsazsa’s power, you need to swallow a melon-sized stone. Yes, swallow a stone. A gay stylist swallowing a melon-sized stone and yelling ZATURNAH. Is it me, or is there something completely wrong?
Then, there’s the fact that the comic was adapted to both film and musical theatre. This would be like giving Bouncing Boy his own movie! Oh, the movie’s key role was played by Filipina pop princess Zsazsa Padilla. Really. Here’s the trailer.
Now, I’m not saying that the superheroine is lame; she reminds me of Wonder Woman. What I find lame is the whole premises of it all. Why does she need to swallow a pink melon-sized stone to get super powers? She has such great super powers, but I can’t get past the ridiculousness of it all.
But I think the lamest part of it all, is the movie. Honestly, just watch the trailer to fully understand the lameness in it’s entirety.
If you’re a gay beautician who finds a mystic stone which enables you to transform into a voluptuous amazon woman, make sure your story isn’t made into a movie musical.
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